Archive for May, 2009

Brazen NZ parrot steals passport, heads into bush (AP)

AP – Polly wants a passport — and isn’t above stealing one.

Sports: Every Story In Local Police Blotter Concerns Jayson Williams

RALEIGH, NC—The police blotter in Monday’s issue of The News & Observer contained instances of vandalism, shoplifting, public…

Bar Owner Cannot Fucking Believe He Actually Sponsored An Adult Kickball Team

ST.LOUIS—”If another asshole comes in wearing a ’scoregasm’ shirt, I won’t even be able to look at myself in the mirror anymore,” said bar owner Wayne Trimble.

Wild turkey crashes through window of Wis. home (AP)

AP – A Wisconsin woman and her 5-year-old daughter got a fowl visitor when an unwelcome wild turkey crashed through a bedroom window.

Woman accused of killing peacock with baseball bat (AP)

AP – A woman accused of clubbing to death a peacock with a baseball bat has pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of animal cruelty. The woman was charged with second-degree animal cruelty, which is punishable by up to a year in jail and a $2,000 fine. Her next court appearance is scheduled for June 19.

[audio] Peter Gallagher Once Again Named ‘Eyebrow’ Magazine Man Of The Year

Onion Radio News – with Doyle Redland

Pilot lesson No. 1: Check gas before taking off (AP)

AP – A retired Air Force colonel with decades of experience as a flight instructor gave one of his students a hands-on lesson in a key principle of flying: Don’t run out of gas. Al Uhalt of Colorado Springs made a bumpy but safe landing in a field Thursday when the single-engine Aviat Husky he and a student were flying ran out of fuel near the end of a 45-minute lesson.

Paper says mistakenly ran ad urging Obama killing (Reuters)

Reuters – A local newspaper in northwest Pennsylvania apologized on Friday for running a classified advertisement that called implicitly for the assassination of U.S. President Barack Obama.

Rescued black labrador retriever pays it forward (AP)

AP – Blewett the black Labrador retriever knows what it’s like to need a little help. For nearly a week last March, the lost dog barked for attention on Washington’s Blewett Pass, capturing the hearts of dozens of travelers who fed him and tried unsuccessfully to catch him. After he was finally captured, Jay and Janie Smith of Plain, Wash., gave him a home.

Ohio man arrested for mowing unkempt grass at park (AP)

AP – An Ohio man arrested for mowing unkempt grass at a public park said he just wanted to make his city look nice. John Hamilton said he took control of the situation because the grass in Sandusky’s Central Park was about a foot high. According to a police report, a witness said Hamilton was blowing grass onto the sidewalk and shredding trash in the park that had not been picked up.