Archive for July, 2009
Phone lost 4 days at sea found, recharged, returned (Reuters)
Reuters – A mobile phone lost at sea for four days washed up in perfect condition in Taiwan after drifting 37 km (23 miles) and was discovered by a park lifeguard who tracked down the shocked owner to return it, the finder said on Friday.
Kiss warning issued for rock festival due to flu (Reuters)
Reuters – Fans attending one of the world’s biggest heavy metal festivals in Germany were asked on Thursday to avoid “hugging, kissing on the cheek, and shaking hands” lest they spread the H1N1 influenza.
Sports: Jim Rice Inducted Into Baseball Hall Of Adequacy
COPPERSTON, NJ—Former outfielder Jim Rice, a lifetime .298 hitter who played more than 1,500 games in left field for the Red Sox, managed a…
Man At Bar Has Incredibly Complicated Reason For Why He Enjoys Rolling Rock
IDAHO FALLS, ID—Misinterpreting a bartender’s raised eyebrow as an unspoken question, Kenny’s Bar patron Neil Plottman delivered a long,…
Police: Texting, talking NY trucker hits car, pool (AP)
AP – Police say a western New York tow truck driver was texting on one cell phone while talking on another when he slammed into a car and crashed into a swimming pool.
Apple To Rescue Album Sales
Working in conjunction with four major music labels, Apple plans to bundle the digital albums it sells with interactive booklets that include liner…
The Onion On Breast Cancer
Is It Tasteful To Have A Cover Photo Of A Woman Performing A Breast Self-Exam With A World Map Superimposed On Her Body As A Metaphor For Breast…
Recent Rise In International Disputes Traced Back To Cute U.N. Tour Guide
NEW YORK—”She was…wow,” Saudi delegate Ahmad Khouri said. “The first time I saw her, I was in the middle of speaking out on the deplorable treatment of the Palestinian people, and suddenly she caught my eye. She has that creamy, smooth skin—and that laugh! It’s like music.”
[audio] Area Man Called ‘A Total Weirdo’ About Protecting His Family
Onion Radio News – with Doyle Redland
Ala. ban of wine with nude label is marketing boon (AP)
AP – Alabama’s ban on a wine that features a nude nymph on the label became a business opportunity for a California vintner who is preparing a marketing campaign to capitalize on being “Banned in Bama.”
