Archive for the ‘News’ Category
[audio] 18-Year-Old Demands Right To Be Sexually Harrassed In Workplace
Onion Radio News – with Doyle Redland
Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text
WASHINGTON—Without an illustration, chart, or embedded YouTube video to ease them in, millions of dumbfounded citizens from Maine to California were frozen in place, terrified by the sight of one long, unbroken string of English words unsure of what to do next.
Ex-president’s body stolen for ransom, Cyprus says (Reuters)
Reuters – Cyprus said Tuesday ransom was the motive of thieves who stole the body of former President Tassos Papadopoulos, found in a shallow grave Monday three months after it disappeared from its tomb.
Chocolate-powered racecar makes sustainability sexy (Reuters)
Reuters – Fueled by leftover chocolate and with components made from carrots, potato starch and flax, the world’s first sustainable Formula 3 racing car has a top speed of 135 miles per hour and can go from zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds.
Residents flee Angolan village invaded by elephants (Reuters)
Reuters – Wild elephants rampaged through a southern village in Angola last weekend, destroying farms and dozens of houses and prompting most of its 4,000 residents to flee to neighboring Namibia, a local official said Tuesday.
In Focus: Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think
CHICAGO—Subjects who drank five glasses or more showed an increased ability to recall each time their mothers had been unsupportive of boyfriends or husbands.
Local CVS Selling One Leather Jacket For Some Reason
News In Photos
Opinion: Do The New Tablets Own Up To The Hype? (by Beepo the Dolphin)
When tablet computers first reared their heads in the ’90s, they were quickly written off as low-powered machines that were kind of neat, but not…
Sports: Ball Movement Making Dirk Nowitzki Nauseous
DALLAS—During last Wednesday’s game against the Phoenix Suns, Mavericks center Dirk Nowitzki reportedly told teammates that he “needed a sec” after a possession featuring quick-paced perimeter passing made him nauseous.
Mytron The Fifth, Illuminati Ruler And Secret Overlord Of All Humanity, Dead At 112
2,000 MILES BENEATH BAVARIA, GERMANY—Mytron the Fifth, Illuminati ruler and secret mastermind of the entire human race since the year 8449…
