Archive for the ‘Sports NIB’ Category
Sports: Newest Bronco Brady Quinn: ‘The Brody Qualls Era Has Begun’
DENVER—In the first of what is expected to be a long series of gaffes with his new team, quarterback Brady Quinn bungled a statement to Broncos coaches, players, and fans Tuesday by mistakenly declaring that the Brody Qualls era had begun in Denver.
Sports: Entire Nation Picks Same Bracket
WASHINGTON—Citizens across the United States have selected the exact same teams to win every single game of the NCAA Tournament, handing in millions of completely identical brackets, college-basketball-pool organizers reported Thursday.
Sports: Musher Claims Free Agency Destroyed Chemistry Of Sled-Dog Team
WILLOW, AK—Though originally favored to win the 2010 Iditarod by a large margin, musher Stefan Anderson’s team has put in a mediocre performance up to this point, a result Anderson blames on flashy high-priced acquisitions on the sled-dog free-agent market.
Sports: Lazy Free Agent Wants To Try Out Over Phone
CHARLOTTE, NC—In an effort to avoid physical exertion, strenuous activity, and standing up, slothful free agent Hollis Thomas told several NFL general managers Friday that he would prefer to try out for their teams over the phone.
Sports: Pretentious Selection Committee Member Thinks Only 6 Teams Deserve Spots In NCAA Tournament
INDIANAPOLIS—Following hours of heated deliberation, pretentious selection committee member Doug Fullerton remained adamant Saturday that only six teams had truly earned a spot in the 2010 men’s NCAA basketball tournament.
Sports: NHL, NASCAR To Punish Carl Edwards For Hit On Bruins’ Marc Savard
BOSTON—NASCAR and the National Hockey League announced Wednesday they would punish Sprint Cup driver Carl Edwards for hitting Boston center Marc Savard with his No. 99 Ford Fusion stock car late in the third period…
Sports: ‘She’s Probably A Money-Hungry Liar,’ Extremely Nervous Steelers Fans Report
PITTSBURGH—In the wake of sexual assault allegations made against Ben Roethlisberger by a Georgia college student, nervous Steelers fans across the nation speculated that the supposed victim was most likely a conniving harpy…
Sports: Chris Bosh Out For Season After Cutting Open Knee To See How It Works
TORONTO—The Raptors medical staff announced Tuesday that Chris Bosh will miss the rest of the season after the inquisitive forward cut open his knee with a steak knife in an effort to look inside and see how the joint works.
Sports: Chris Bosh Out For Season After Cutting Open Knee To See How It Works
TORONTO—The Raptors medical staff announced Tuesday that Chris Bosh will miss the rest of the season after the inquisitive forward cut open his knee with a steak knife in an effort to look inside and see how the joint works.
Sports: Ball Movement Making Dirk Nowitzki Nauseous
DALLAS—During last Wednesday’s game against the Phoenix Suns, Mavericks center Dirk Nowitzki reportedly told teammates that he “needed a sec” after a possession featuring quick-paced perimeter passing made him nauseous.
