Letters To The Editor: Rabbits
Dear The Onion,
Rabbits keep getting at my Bibb lettuce. Can you print some big pictures of guns that I can put around the garden to scare them?
Scott Swessel, Charlotte, NC
Deranged Gunman Opens Fire On Shooting Range
SAN ANTONIO—After a brief exchange with the gun range manager, the remorseless gunman purchased a box of ammunition, showed two pieces of ID, signed in, walked to stall No. 17, and at once began his crazed shooting spree.
Nation Just Finding Out That Flyers Came Back From 3-0 Deficit By Reading This Right Now
BOSTON—The Philadelphia Flyers came back from three games down to defeat the Boston Bruins in their best-of-seven playoff series last week, a historic feat neither you nor the rest of the country knew about until reading this.
Jackson fans to spend night among his possessions (Reuters)
Reuters – Want to spend a night with Michael Jackson’s possessions? The Japanese promoter of a collection of his belongings on display in Tokyo can make that dream come true on the first anniversary of the pop icon’s death. Starting Sunday, fans in Japan are expected to line up for the chance to spend one night inside the Neverland Collection at the Tokyo Tower, which to many is a shrine to the sacred memory of their idol.
Sportsgraphic: LeBron’s Next Team
In scant weeks, LeBron James will be the most desirable free agent in recent memory. Where will basketball’s biggest catch choose to go?
Strongside/Weakside: Steve Nash
The Suns average significantly more points when their seasoned point guard is on the court. Is he any good?
Surfin’ USA goes to the dogs as canine surf season opens (Reuters)
Reuters – Surf’s up — and Buddy, a Jack Russell terrier, is stoked.
Jailed professor says orgies disturbed no one (Reuters)
Reuters – A Chinese college professor has been jailed for running a sex club, whose members were the first to be convicted of “group licentiousness” in 20 years, media reported on Friday.
